1
While gripping your arms,
Some hairy chest brushes my toe.
Silent encounter.
2
In a steam-filled room
A voice talks of Disney Land.
Faceless Mickey Mouse.
3
A wave machine starts.
The heads float like Brussels sprouts.
Ripples lull the limbs.
Yuko Minamikawa Adams
First published in Poetry ID 100 Boxes
I like this! Alot! On a technical note, is there one too many syllables in verse one?
Well done, Yuko! You make even a visit to the swimming pool an eerie experience.
On a technical note, even Basho gave himself the licence to put in extra syllables!
Thanks for reading, Gereth and Dennis! I wrote this quite a long time ago for Poetry ID 100 Boxes, which we published in 2003 for Letchworth Centenary. I got inspiration from the Letchworth leisure centre.
The second line of the first haiku has got 8 syllables, which is one syllable more. We call it jiamari (extra syllable(s)). It’s not ideal but we often break the rule like Dennis said Basho did.